Just trying to hold onto faith is hard right now.
been nearly 2 months since i came online. just felt like i needed to update on how my life was going. ive never felt more alone. i have so many supporters standing at my shoulders yet i still feel at a loss. i have lost the ability to use my right hand, and my ability to walk is gone. despite the hearing unclearly and the gain of weight, losing my legs strength has been the hardest. i feel like ive lost everything that mattered to me. no one would understand this pain. everyone always tells you to be happy and enjoy life, but they never add how to deal with having a disability. nurses and hospices come by every week, i have to sleep in the living room now on my own hospital bed. its soo uncomfortable. eyesight is worse, glasses dont help anymore. im trying to keep my head up but its taken the life of a busy-body. i just want to start over, another chance at living. i cant talk to anybody about how i feel anymore, no one would be able to feel me. im overly tired more now, its like sleep, eat, watch tv, sleep, eat, sleep for me. i hate being stuck. its the worst. no one ever tells you how to explain this kind of suffering to a person. i wonder if ill ever get better, but my hopes arent so high. im growing older and its getting more difficult for me. i miss school, and my friends. im starting to feel as id hien isnt a true friend. i am so stressed and frustrated and all he does is accuse me of everything. he doesnt understand, but then again how could anyone?
